well..i write when i feel strongly about something..and about this i've always felt atrongly about..to sum it all in a sentence.."most of us are not living our dreams as we are living our fears"...this has always been one of my favourites...not because of literary reasons but because it holds true in most cases.well..what i m trying to say is that i always wanted to do something big in life..god sent me here for a greater purpose...but i've not been able to find my destination...nd this i m talking at an age where most of my agemates are busy earning their 5 figures....well..i m proud of them...and i don't crave for those 5 figures either ...but what i crave for is creative satisfaction in my life...to start off,i aspired to be a textile designer at the age of 19...made some serious plans to do so..but you know what!!!!life plays a bigger role than any one of us....and...all those plans never saw the light of the day....due to a number of reasons relevant at that time
and i went in for a more conventional,decent education that n ordinary girl is expected to have...a masters degree that could be more useful to a scientist than to me..again an ordinary soul...(lest scientists be hurt)..following that were a couple of still more conventional jobs..which i found highly boring..(with due respect to the employers)..those were not made for me...rather ..i ws not made for those jobs!!!further down the line..(thanks to my maternal genes)...i wanted to be a singer...i took a formal vocal classical training of nearly 3 and a half yrs...but going up that ladder needed a lot of grit..which perhaps i lacked..and decided upon doing something which seemed closer to my destination
..meanwhile..i met a guy..we hit it off instantly ..and now its been 2 yrs that we are married(happily)..and when this matrimonial hurricane got over..and i touched reality..i realised i had to be independent...
i wanted to be a painter,a social activist,a news reader and a radio jockey....aah!! is this turning out to be humorous??no its not...my desires are as fresh as a baby bird's who's newly acquired her wings.
but the problem lies elsewhere
1...these worldly matters demand my attention more than my dreams..
2...i just dont seem to be focussed..as soon as i try my hands on something, my eyes turn to something seemingly more interesting...
3..lastly i have been forced to accept the fact tht i have a hyperactive mind in a lethargic body..i get these truly creative ideas when i m half asleep(the REM(rapid eye movement) stage)..but as i get up and try to put them into action..i feel they are too good to be implemented..
could anyone please help me to actually know what i really want in life???
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