why cant i juggle all my roles in this one life of mine???

well..i write when i feel strongly about something..and about this i've always felt atrongly about..to sum it all in a sentence.."most of us are not living our dreams as we are living our fears"...this has always been one of my favourites...not because of literary reasons but because it holds true in most cases.well..what i m trying to say is that i always wanted to do something big in life..god sent me here for a greater purpose...but i've not been able to find my destination...nd this i m talking at an age where most of my agemates are busy earning their 5 figures....well..i m proud of them...and i don't crave for those 5 figures either ...but what i crave for is creative satisfaction in my life...to start off,i aspired to be a textile designer at the age of 19...made some serious plans to do so..but you know what!!!!life plays a bigger role than any one of us....and...all those plans never saw the light of the day....due to a number of reasons relevant at that time

and i went in for a more conventional,decent education that n ordinary girl is expected to have...a masters degree that could be more useful to a scientist than to me..again an ordinary soul...(lest scientists be hurt)..following that were a couple of still more conventional jobs..which i found highly boring..(with due respect to the employers)..those were not made for me...rather ..i ws not made for those jobs!!!further down the line..(thanks to my maternal genes)...i wanted to be a singer...i took a formal vocal classical training of nearly 3 and a half yrs...but going up that ladder needed a lot of grit..which perhaps i lacked..and decided upon doing something which seemed closer to my destination

..meanwhile..i met a guy..we hit it off instantly ..and now its been 2 yrs that we are married(happily)..and when this matrimonial hurricane got over..and i touched reality..i realised i had to be independent...

i wanted to be a painter,a social activist,a news reader and a radio jockey....aah!! is this turning out to be humorous??no its not...my desires are as fresh as a baby bird's who's newly acquired her wings.
but the problem lies elsewhere

1...these worldly matters demand my attention more than my dreams..

2...i just dont seem to be focussed..as soon as i try my hands on something, my eyes turn to something seemingly more interesting...

3..lastly i have been forced to accept the fact tht i have a hyperactive mind in a lethargic body..i get these truly creative ideas when i m half asleep(the REM(rapid eye movement) stage)..but as i get up and try to put them into action..i feel they are too good to be implemented..

could anyone please help me to actually know what i really want in life???

here i m..again feeling the need to offload something that weighs on my mind..the past week has been terrible..the mumbai blasts..the bloody encounters..all that bloodshed..3 days of continously watching the same channel.. have had those images imprinted in my mind...something rips apart inside me when i look at those gunned down..i mean every sensitive individual would be facing the same...now that brings up the insecurity in our minds to the highest point..the one thing that has always been up my mind is the fear of losing my loved ones..n this generates a terrible feeling for ..an anxiety that demands their safety...when would we finally get rid of this??

well as Prannoy roy rightly commented on his channel a couple of nights before..enough is enough...
and we are actually tired of the word resilience...this casual attitude towards everything has made things the way they are..and what is certain is ...we have a short memory...it' ll not be more than eight days when we would actually forget the whole episode and carry on with our lives and be reminded of the incident only when something of a similar type happens again..

we'd conveniently read newspapers listing the attacks of the last few years mentioning the place..the no. of casualties ..the comparison between then and now...and thats it..we'd again carry on gathering our bits of life...living nder a constant threat....imagine the ease with which those boys with ill-intentions entered the country..it seemed somebody's come for a picnic on a boat or what????

is this..what we..as the citizens of the largest democracy in the world deserve to live like??or is it the price we are paying for it??

more than any other day, the whole political system seems a farce today ..well i am not technically so very equipped to tell us all what measures to take..but its high time..we DO domething about it..at this point in time..i m reminded of the recent movie "wednesday"..when an ordinary middle class citizen...tired of living under threat..made the whole so called system feel so small with what he did..is it time we all create our own wednesdays???i recommend veryone to watch the movie at least once..

the last week

here i m..

again feeling the need to off load something that weighs on my mind..the past week has been terrible..the mumbai blasts..the bloody encounters..all that bloodshed..3 days of continously watching the same channel.. have had those images imprinted in my mind..something rips apart inside me when i look at those gunned down and those picking up their shattered lives..i mean every sensitive individual would be facing the same..now that brings up the insecurity in our minds to the highest point..the one thing that has always been up my mind is the fear of losing my loved ones..n this generates a terrible feeling for them ...an anxiety that demands their safety...when would we finally get rid of all this??well as Prannoy roy rightly commented on his channel last night..enough is enough...
and we are actually tired of the word resilience...this casual attitude towards everything has made things the way they are..and what is certain is ...we have a short memory...it ll not be more than eight days when we would actually forget the whole episode and carry on with our lives and be reminded of the incident only when something of a similar type happens again..

we'd conveniently read newspapers listing the attacks of the last few years mentioning the place..the no. of casualties ..the comparison between then and now...and thats it..we'd again carry on gathering our bits of life...living under a constant threat....is this..what we..as the citizens of the largest democracy in the world deserve to live like??or is it the price we are paying for it??more than any other day, the whole political system seems a farce today.... well m not technically so very equipped to tell us all what measures to take..but its high time..we DO domething about it..at this point in time..i m reminded of the recent movie "wednesday"..when an ordinary middle class citizen...tired of living under threat..made the whole so called system feel so small with what he did..is it time we all create our own wednesdays???i recommend everyone to watch the movie at least once..